EFF YOU! – Check who you send your mails to.

The following happened at work a couple of days ago. The whole mail exchange was German, of course, translated for your convenience.

Names changed.

Email from Ray Etherhall, purchase department, around 1500 hours to sales dept: Please make sure to check all important orders in time, I’ll leave at 1640 today.

Tim Shaker, sales, replies to him and several others in sales: Elvis has left the building, huh?

Ray, replying in a local dialect: Thou basterd!

Tim: That’s bastard. With an a.

More coworkers join in the playful email banter, prodding Ray…

Ray sends a mail to all of them, in 72 point font, bold:


He literally wrote EFF YOU!

Everybody in the sales office starts laughing. Everyone but Tim.


He hadn’t gotten the mail. Ray had manually typed the adresses, but autocomplete hat made TS into Tom Sure. Tom Sure is one of our three CEOs.

So Tim went into Ray’s office, just to catch him typing frantically, apologetically1 and very very pale.

No worries, though. Everyone involved kept their jobs, no hard feelings. Not even from Ray who was actually kidding with the mail. Nothing unusual, really.

Just remember to proofread your emails. Even the to- cc- and bcc- entries. Be always sure who you’re telling to go fuck themselves, even if you abbreviate it.


  1. something about the horrible derailing of stupid banter []

Let there be light.

A couple of years ago we’d moved into our shiny new office building. It had fancy stuff for temperature control involving ceiling panels and excess heat from our server room. And motion-activated lighting in corridors, kitchens and bathrooms.

Shortly after people complained about the timer those were connected to being to short. Yes, the ones in the bathroom specifically.

This prompted the usual kind of office humor ranging from Poop faster! to Don’t fall asleep in a stall.

The complaints apparently persisted, because at one point an email to the whole company appeared in our inboxes. From one of our bosses.

I don’t have the actual email anymore, but it explained how the lights in our bathrooms were motion- and audio-activated, so if sudden darkness due to prolonged expulsion became a problem, we were advised to clap our hands or say something.

The lights are NOT audio activated.

I’m pretty sure our boss knows but also I’m sure he wasn’t joking. He probably was distracted, or caught up in something and randomly added it, probably even believing it at the time.

Great laughter ensued. And jokes about what one might say or how one might otherwise be noisy in the bathroom. And most of us didn’t believe a word of the audio-part. Still, in the days following, you could sometimes pass the bathrooms and hear a faint clapping sound or random exclamations.

Hey! Hello! *clap* Damn.

The best part of this? Unless it’s pitch black outside, it’s not even dark in those restrooms. They are along the outside wall of the building, and there’s windows just below the ceiling to let some light in.