Friends all-over the world

When I came back from my last short trip to England, a coworker asked me where I’d been. “England”, I replied. “Visiting my cousin and a couple of friends.”
“You have friends everywhere, don’t you? Pretty large network, impressive.”

I get that a lot. “Oh you’re so lucky to have friends in XYZ”1

Am I now? Before we answer that, let’s look at my definition of “friend”. If you read my first blog post you already know that I’m pretty indiscriminate.

If you call me on a random day, at a random time with one of the following:
– “Olli, I’m so sorry, but I’m stranded at the airport/train station, could you come pick me up and could I crash on your couch for a night or two!”
– “Holy shit, I messed up, I need to talk!”
or something similar and I say “Sure, I’ll be there in a bit” then I consider you a friend.
As in: I will actually try and move things around even if it’s a major nuisance for me.

So yes, at the time of writing this, my definition of “friend” contains more of you readers than you might possibly think. And it’s easy to get from acquaintance to friend.

To be fair, I’ll already do quite a few things for acquaintances I like, but I’ll probably be less willing to go out of my way for something insubstantial.

Anyway. Yeah. Friends all-over the world. Lucky. Really?

I am shy. It probably doesn’t look like that when you first meet me over the internet.

<Crystal> are you shy ollie?
<ol> if he is, the rest of us are fucked
– IRC, 2005

I am not the type to go out to a bar, fair, festival and just “make” friends. I’m fine if you approach me, or if I have an actual subject or reason to talk to someone anyway, but if I’ve never talked to someone before, I’ll need a while to get talking.2 Once I get comfortable, or get to know someone and my subconscious realizes “Hey, they like me”, I’m usually good.

That is why my social circle extends much further into the internet than into my actual surroundings. I like most of my coworkers well enough, but most of those I’d actually spend time with live more than an hour away3 and I kinda want to get away from most things workrelated once I’m out of the office.

My friends from school…well, from the 56 people in my class4 I still have actual regular contact to 4 and their girlfriends/wives.
Then there’s another couple, he was a year ahead of me, she’s his girlfriends. And that covers my actual local friends I go out and do stuff with. Every couple of weeks.
The rest are people I might meet at the birthday parties of one of my friends. We have a great time and wont see each other again for a year.

So yeah, I have a lot more friends in various corners of the internet, than around here. I’ve been an internet resident since the late 90s, when we had free internet at school in the time we were just waiting for another class to start. I started getting into webchats and forums, that died down when I left school, went to the military for a year5 but I got back into it when I got internet at home and started working.

I’d go back into the old webchat, joined an internet radio station, discovered IRC and started making friends, at first in Germany exclusively.

The first meet-ups happened, later I got invited to a Italian-American wedding in Italy.

In the first meet-ups I was the quiet, shy guy. Getting used to things and people, sticking to people I already knew pretty well. In the follow ups I came to be one of the regulars, one of the guys who’d always been there.

We had a6 series of three or four meet-ups with the most mixed group you could imagine. Participants ranging in ages from 14 to 50, some bringing their own kids and dogs. We’d rent out a camp ground, put up tents, ate together, sat around the campfire in the evenings, play games, drank quite an amount of beer and wine and enjoyed pure bliss.

Basically we were one big family. Everybody looked out for each other, relationships were started on some of those. And we got depressed when we got back home, to our lives. Imagine a weekend full of bliss, joy, catching up, playing games, socialising with people that are basically a family away from home. Then you get home. Nobody there. You unpack, sit down and just think: “What now? Uh. Lonely. TV boring. Book boring. Video game boring.”

So you log into the chat, the gang is there, you talk about the weekend for an hour or two, log off again. BAM, sad. Of course, you get over it, but it’s never easy.

Meet-up hangover.  Post-Meet-up depression. Whatever you call it, I hate it. Considering I just came back from one a few days ago, I’m holding up remarkably well, probably because it was my first with that particular group.

But that’s not where it stops. I have lots of friends, good friends, people that I love to death, that I only meet in person once a year. If I’m lucky. A few more I’ve met three times in ten years. There’s people in America, the UK, the South Pacific and even Germany that I love to death, and that I’ve met once. Some of them I doubt I’ll ever see again, not in the least because it’s a massive investment in time off work, time and money just to get there.

If I take this further, since I’ve started using twitter about a year and a half ago, I’ve found quite a few people I’d start calling “friends” according to the abovementioned definition. I haven’t met most of those yet. And thinking about maybe never getting to meet some of them is almost physically painful.7

The internet, infinite possibilities to make friends you’ll never see.

On a side note, that also covers the question: “What would you do with an infinite amount of money on the sole condition that you are not allowed to give it away for charity or investment!”
I’d travel. All the time. See all the places, meet all the people, make new friends through them that I meet again the next time I pass through. I’d probably only stop at home long enough to get my passport renewed.

Time to come to an end.

To sum it up:
– I have only a hand ful of local friends that I don’t meet often enough.
– Whenever I meet groups8 of my friends, which doesn’t happen enough, I get sad when I get home.
– I have friends I never met face to face or only once

“You’re lucky to have friends all-over the world, Olli”
“Yes, on average I see them once every 3 years. How lucky is that?”
“Oh.”

Would I want to trade them for local friends?

Not for anything in the world. Oh, and if you happen to be near me, need anything or want me to visit while I’m on vacation in your general area9, let me know. I’ll be there. I’ll be sad when I get home, but it will be worth it.

Footnotes
  1. South Pacific, all corners of the US, England, Austria, South Africa, Canada, all across Germany, etc. []
  2. I work in sales. Hahahahaha []
  3. and I don’t want to be a bother. Ha! []
  4. there were others, from orchestra and such, but I have hardly any contact to those []
  5. I don’t have any contact to the temporary friends I made there. Some where actually nice. []
  6. well, actually several, with different groups, but same difference []
  7. might just be RSI from being on the computer too much in the past few days []
  8. ranging from 1 to 20 []
  9. and we’ve talked before. Don’t be creepy. []

Tweetrimony

If you read my first blog post you might guess that one thing that has almost fascinated me about the internet is the possibility to connect to people you would never had met without it.

And I’ve done a lot of that. Web chats, forums, IRC, online games of one sort or the other. Some people I met randomly, others via common friends and acquaintances.

Social networking websites and -media has boosted those possibilities in the past decade and twitter is one of the most interesting services around for that.

The character limit and the possibility to tweet at people that don’t actively follow require a certain brevity and clarity in your communication that enables to strike up conversations really quick because you HAVE to get to the point.

Despite the limit it is surprisingly easy to have meaningful conversations as well as enjoying hilarious banter.

Here’s something that has entertained me a lot in the past few days, and thanks to everyone involved.

Enjoy!

 

Oh, and if you are looking for more twitter fun besides my non marriage, there’s @CairnRodrigues youtube show twitterati! :)

word of the week writing challenge

In 2013 one of my favorite online hangouts1 had a word of the week in the channel topic, prompted by a calendar wacie got in our secret santa 2012.

Being a writing enthousiast, she decided to turn this into a fun little challenge and here it is.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to write a short story using all 53 words that were featured the in the #falling channel topic.

The guidelines are:

  • no minimum word count
  • no time limit (if you want to do it, do it for yourself), but subscriptions will be taken until the end of the month
  • word order does not matter
  • the definitions in the word list are not the only valid ones, feel free to use others
  • any tense or form of the word is ok
  • short story was suggested, but you can do whatever you want. poem, humor piece. Just use all the words.
  • incentive: writing practice, broadened vocabulary, satisfaction of having done something constructive with your time. depending on the number of entries there might be a surprise for you.
  • the entries will NOT be shared unless you expressly ask for it or share them yourse

If you want to submit your work, you can do it here.

 

Here’s the vocabulary for the task at hand:

  • Retrodict (v): to utilize present information or ideas to infer or explain (a past event or state of affairs)
  • Ekphrasis (n): a literary description of or commentary on a visual work of art
  • Ratiocination (n): the process of exact thinking; a reasoned train of thought
  • Veridical (adj): truthful, veracious; not illusory
  • Sub rosa (adv): in confidence, secretly
  • Malinger (v): to pretend to be sick or injured in order to avoid doing work
  • Fanfaronade (n): empty boasting, bluster
  • Wangle (v): to get something by clever methods or by persuading someone
  • Longueur (n): a boring part of something (such as a book or play)
  • Clerisy (n): intelligentsia
  • Ailurophile (n): a cat fancier, a lover of cats
  • Canaille (n): rabble, riffraff; proletarian
  • Factotum (n): a person whose job involves doing many different types of work
  • Aureate (n): of a golden color or brilliance; marked by grandiloquent and rhetorical style
  • MacGuffin (n): an object, event, or character in a film or story that serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite usually lacking intrinsic importance
  • Cathexis (n): investment of mental or emotional energy in a person, object, or idea
  • Venal (adj): capable of being bought or obtained for money or other valuable consideration, purchasable, open to corrupt influence and especially bribery; originating in, characterized by, or associated with corrupt bribery
  • Macerate (v): to cause to waste away by or as if by excessive fasting; to cause to become soft or separated into constituent elements by or as if by steeping in fluid, steeping or soaking
  • Colporteur (n): a peddler of religious books
  • Etiolate (v): to bleach and alter the natural development of (a green plant) by excluding sunlight; to make pale; to deprive of natural vigor, make feeble
  • Billingsgate (n): coarsely abusive language
  • Billet-doux (n): a love letter
  • Effrontery (n): a very confident attitude or way of behaving that is shocking or rude
  • Alterity (n): otherness, specifically; the quality or state of being radically alien to the conscious self or a particular cultural orientation
  • Sequacious (adj): subservient, tractable; intellectually servile
  • Hypocorism (n): a pet name; the use of pet names
  • Woolgathering (n): indulgence in idle daydreaming
  • Vorago (n): an engulfing chasm, abyss
  • Terpsichorean (adj): of or relating to dancing
  • Nudnik (n): a person who is a bore or nuisance
  • Snaffle (n): a simple usually jointed bit for a bridle; (v): to obtain especially by devious or irregular means
  • Ecotone (n): a transition area between two adjacent ecological communities
  • Banausic (adj): relating to or concerned with earning a living —used pejoratively; utilitarian or practical
  • Corrigendum (n): an error in a printed work discovered after printing and shown with its correction on a separate sheet
  • Philately (n): the collection and study of postage and imprinted stamps :  stamp collecting
  • Masscult (n): the artistic and intellectual culture associated with and disseminated through the mass media ; mass culture
  • Deuteragonist (n): the actor taking the part of second importance in a classical Greek drama; a person who serves as a foil to another
  • Extemporaneous (adj): composed, performed, or uttered on the spur of the moment, impromptu; carefully prepared but delivered without notes or text; skilled at or given to extemporaneous utterance; happening suddenly and often unexpectedly and usually without clearly known causes or relationships; provided, made, or put to use as an expedient
  • Conurbation (n): a large area consisting of cities or towns that have grown so that there is very little room between them
  • Inchoate (adj): being only partly in existence or operation, incipient; imperfectly formed or formulated; formless, incoherent
  • Camarilla (n): a group of unofficial, often secret, and scheming advisers, cabal
  • Arriviste (n): one that is a new and uncertain arrival (as in social position or artistic endeavor)
  • Carceral (adj): of, relating to, or suggesting a jail or prison
  • Advert (v): to turn the mind or attention —used with to; to call attention in the course of speaking or writing, make reference —used with to
  • Chthonic (adj): of or relating to the underworld, infernal
  • Malapropism (n): the usually unintentionally humorous misuse or distortion of a word or phrase; especially :  the use of a word sounding somewhat like the one intended but ludicrously wrong in the context; malaprop
  • Vermicular (adj): resembling a worm in form or motion; of or related to worms
  • Apparatchik (n): a member of a Communist apparat; a blindly devoted official, follower, or member of an organization (as a corporation or political party)
  • Tu quoque (n): a retort charging an adversary with being or doing what he criticizes in others
  • Fey (adj): fated to die, doomed; able to see into the future, visionary; marked by an otherworldly air or attitude; crazy; excessively refined; quaintly unconventional
  • Oriflamme (n): a banner, symbol, or ideal inspiring devotion or courage
  • Styptic (adj): tending to contract or bind; astringent; especially; tending to check bleeding
  • Mythomania (n): an excessive or abnormal propensity for lying and exaggerating

If you enjoy writing or just playing with words, please join in, it’ll be fun. If you know someone who might enjoy this challenge, please, spread the word. The more the merrier.

Should you publish the result of this challenge, let me know, I’m dying to see what others do.

My work will appear on this blog after I’ve submitted it so you can all laugh or roll your eyes or heave in disgust at what I did to those poor words.

Footnotes
  1. www.chatspike.net []

here be dragons – friends from the internet

A lot of the people1 reading this probably don’t even need to be told what I’m going to write in my first post, because it’s – in a way – about them.

Internet people. Internet acquaintances. Internet friends.

And here goes. Even today2 people like me will get looked at in a slightly weird way if you tell them something like “a friend I met on the internet”. I’ve occasionally tried to avoid that phrase when telling things regarding those people, because it’s often easier than facing skepticism  when you just want to give some context to something that has happened.

To a lot of people out there, the internet is a tool. They use it to buy books or movies, plan their holiday, copy their homework from wikipedia, watch cat videos or even catch up with old friends, relatives, colleagues or even people they met on their holiday. “Real life people”.

Granted, a lot of these people are from that generation that did not grow up with the internet, but there are as many younger than me who hold the same views.

The internet is full of phonies, liars, criminals, or worse. You can’t meet real people out there. You can’t make REAL friends out there. Dating websites3 don’t count.

HERE BE DRAGONS

Well, first of all, even if most people who know me probably wouldn’t think of me as “shy”, I am not the kind of guy who just goes out and “meets new people”. For some reason I have trouble going to a pub or bar and just randomly strike up conversations with people I’ve never met in my life. I don’t go dancing or to the village fair to meet new strangers. I’m social enough, I love having company and if I find some common ground to connect with someone, if there’s a certain spark, I might even be talking your ears off before I realize it.
If it doesn’t happen that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like you, it’s just that I often need a little warming up.

The internet makes that a lot easier for me. Whether it’s the old web chat rooms, IRC, forums and starting earlier this year twitter, I have had little trouble finding likeminded people of all age groups and various nationalities online and met quite a few in person, but more of that later.

So I wonder, what makes people think that “internet people” aren’t real people as well? Why is it okay to go to a pub, disco, barn dance just to “meet people”, but not into the forum of a gaming community, a chatroom on IRC or join twitter not just to stalk Justin Bieber but maybe have some fun random encounters and maybe even make friends and meet people?

“Oh, but that man/woman from the internet could abduct, kill, say bad things to or even rape you!”

Yeah, like that’s never happened to anyone who’s gone to the pub on a Friday night.

I’m not saying that you should throw yourself at the first person to suggest you meet up  in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. For heaven’s sake, trust your guts, make sure someone knows where you are, have some basic safety measures. Whether you go to the pub or to your first meeting of your new internet community.
I pride myself on having a pretty good judgement of people and I probably also got lucky with the people I met, but I’m willing to bet that in most internet communities you will find people that are looking out for each other. More likely than at any local watering hole.

But whatever reasons you give to people, there’s always some who will disbelieve or remain skeptical. So maybe take a moment and think about what awesome social things have happened to you that you have to thank the internet for.

Here’s my list, in chronological order, of the parts the internet played in creating my social life and a large part of who I am. Well, the parts I remember or was able to reconstruct from my picture collection.

In 1997 still in school I first entered a certain webchat, met a girl, and after a couple of days of chatting, we decided4 we’d start writing letters. We’re still friends, see each other occasionally5

2003
I became a regular in a webchat and joined a web radio6 that was based in that chat. I am still a member, albeit inactive. There I met people from throughout the country and beyond I still count among my best friends.

It’s also where I met my first girlfriend. It didn’t last very long, but I also met her best friend at the time, who became one of my best friends and our friendship continues to this day. She got me into Doctor Who two years ago.

I went to my first community meeting7 and started meeting up with people I’d never seen before.

2004
The webchat and webradio became a circle of friends. I went to three community meetings that lasted a whole weekend.8

Also some coworkers got me to join a large-scale browser game where I met people from all over the world via the game itself. I quit after a while but I stuck to the IRC network people organized their tactics in.

2005
More of the same things of course. The highlight of the year: An American from said game I met in IRC had become something between an acquaintance and a friend. He was married to an Italian and they were planning to marry a second time for her family which still lived in Italy. And I got invited. Which was pretty exciting. But as his wife put it: “You spend so much time with these people online, if he’s  a friend, why not?”
That was a first for me but I actually didn’t even think twice about it. We’d spent hours chatting about pretty much everything, and it wasn’t the first time I got to meet internet people and their friends and family. So I flew into Rome, got picked up by his wife at the airport and actually had lunch with her family before I even met him. It was eerie but they were very welcoming, and ‘lo, there was nothing awkward or weird about it. Look, he’s human just like us. ;-)

Also in 2005 I started writing product reviews and parodies for a large community and product review website. I don’t write for that website anymore, but I’ve found friends there as well, there’s a meeting once a year and it never fails to be awesome.

2006
I visited my cousin in Manchester, England and met up with several friends from IRC, two of which I joined on a train to Newcastle where we’d go see Iron Maiden and share a hotel room.

2007
Apart from the usual community meetings, a friend I met through the web radio and seen in person twice for a weekend each chatted me up on an instant messenger.
“Hey, what are you doing?” – “Oh, just checking trips to the United States, but the single room surcharge is offputting” – “When are you planning to go?”
We went there together and had great fun when people assumed we were either a couple or siblings until we explained that we were just “Internet friends”. Oh, and I also met up with an internet friend in Las Vegas.

2008
I paid a visit to a friend and her husband in the UK. I met her via an internet forum that belonged to a webcomic both of us were reading. To this day we’re friends and I’ve visited on two more occasion. I’ll miss her 30th birthday next year because I’m going to be on a road trip along the US East Coast, visiting … yup, internet friends. Friends.

2009
The year I met my current ex.9 We’d talked before, online, on the webradio, had a few phone calls, and then we hit it off on the anual community meeting of the web radio. Basically camping, a day of team building games, bbq, board games and all that. Quite a few relationships began that weekend. Oh, remember the best friend of my first girlfriend? Yup, met her again after years, and while the relationship with my girlfriend didn’t last, that friendship made it through ten years and two relationships, still counting.

2010
Things were a little quieter on the internet front, but my girlfriend and I visited a lot of common friends that year

2011
We’d moved in together, but the relationship ended in April. I met up with more internet people that year, but the highlight was the trip to Ireland. I had booked that for me and my suddenly ex. Cancelling the trip would’ve been rather expensive, but my friend who I toured the states with was available, and even though we hadn’t met up even once since 2007 we just continued where we’d left.
So the relationship ended, and suddenly I had more time on my hands, so besides connecting to my internet family I also started up playing an MMO10, getting to know awesome new people, becoming friends with them.
Another friend had vanished from the internet for months due to financial and internet connection issues and there were dozens of people trying to reach him. We’d all feared the worst because of what we knew about his medical background, but everything turned out right.

2012
I took a round trip around southern England. Basically I flew into London, rented a car and first visited MMO people, then my webcomic friend who got me hooked on BBC’s Sherlock, and after that someone from IRC who I dragged around London for a day.

2013
You thought nothing could top the wedding? Well, it certainly will be one of the all-time-highlights of my internet bio, but it turns out that one of they guys from the MMO lives on a tiny island in the South Pacific, and I’d gotten a travel voucher for my 10th anniversary at my company the previous summer. Long story short, banter happened, I got invited, booked three days later and then dragged a friend and coworker 20.000km across the globe, drove 10 days around New Zealand and took a plane to spend a week in paradise and still have more or less constant contact to him/his family.

In the same year I went to Cardiff with two internet friends11 and a boyfriend, we met very nice people via the couchsurfing organisation and got to see the Doctor Who Experience.

Also I joined twitter, and I’m pretty sure that at one point I’ll start meeting up with people I’ve found there. Dammit, if I had a teleporter, I’d probably spend more time buzzing around as a cloud of highly energized molecules than at home.

As to next year, I’m looking forward to meet all kinds of internet friends, from a gaming community, friends I’ve talked to on IRC from 3 to 7 years and who knows who else?

Hey, maybe YOU know me and you want to visit? I’m sure we can arrange something.

So. Yeah, I guess the internet is full of phonies and it’s not worth spending any more time there than it takes to order a book or watch a few cat videos on youtube.

TL;DR
The internet is awesome, there’s great people to discover and a lot of them just mean the world to me.

I don’t even distinguish between “internet” and “other” friends anymore, unless I have to explain where I met certain people.

Thanks for bearing with me, this got longer than I thought. And I mean every word.

Olli

Footnotes
  1. Funny, my first blog post, I don’t even know if anyone will actually read this, but I start with “A lot of the people” []
  2. or maybe more than ever? []
  3.  Never used any, not that I mind people using them, but I kinda stick to the regular social networks. For now. ;-) []
  4. well I suggested []
  5. Once a year or every two years, I’d say, depending. []
  6. Just a bunch of people who enjoyed streaming music to a bunch of friends and talking nonsense. I’ve been a show host and member of the organisatorial commitee in various positions, including leading the whole kindergarden []
  7. actually chaperoning said best friend []
  8. basically a group of thirty 16 to 40-year olds went camping, including bbq and board games, nobody killed anyone. Amazing, huh? []
  9. Is that the way you say it? Huh. []
  10. something something spaceships []
  11. one of them the girl I met via my first girlfriend []