Haikurotica

A week ago I got a silly idea t work and I tweeted it. There’s not really any way to explain it without spoiling the fun, so here’s transcription of the tweets without the hashtags and stuff, I guess.

 

In my sensual dreams
I remove the outer shell
From your soft, sweet curves

Run my hungry tongue
Along the ridges and valleys
Of delighted flesh

Breathe your fragrance sweet
Soak it up into myself
Till I lose control

Nibbling at your skin
Digging deep with greedy tongue
In the wet inside

Ripping you apart
Piece by piece partake of you
Tear into your flesh

 

Oh man, I love oranges. Sure wish I had one right now.

https://storify.com/OlliCrusoe/haikurotica

German with Olli – Just German stuff!

If you read my blog, you might be aware of the #GermanWithOlli twitter feature I’m running three times a week. This is part of it.

You can check out the previous tweets if you want to!

As you see, German has some awesome words, and we’re really good at naming stuff.

And we’re in love with the word for stuff. The German word for that is Zeug. We love that word so much we use it in compound words all the time. Some really official, some a little colloquial, but they’re all legit.

Here’s a few examples:

vehicle = Fahrzeug = drive-stuff
airplane = Flugzeug = fly-stuff
ship = Schiff. Wait, that doesn’t belong here.

But there’s more: our word for toy is Spielzeug. Yup, play-stuff.
The less official ones might be Waschzeug = wash-stuff. Or toiletries. Like the kit that you take with you on vacation, camping or an overnight stay.
Bettzeug = bed-stuff = bedding. Linens, pillowcase, etc.

Schreibzeug = writing-stuff. If we tell you to get your Schreibzeug, we are talking about pen and paper to take notes.

That’s it for today, I hope you enjoy #GermanWithOlli

Roadtrip 2015 – Goldrush

As if showing me part of the most gorgeous scenery in the western U.S. wasn’t enough, awesome Cairn treated me to something else on my second full day visiting her. Which was as well since the cats still weren’t to pleased by my existence.

But first she showed me around old Sacramento so I could see old buildings, the Wells Fargo Museum and the Pony Express statue! Look here:

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After that (and a well-deserved breakfast at Eggie’s we hit the road towards Coloma, the place of the original gold findings in California and the start of the gold rush. We even arrived there after taking only one wrong turn into the barren wildernis that is California. At the national park we hiked about a bit, joked with the park ranger, took pictures, bought a plastic pan and tried our luck on the banks of the draught-ridden and therefor not-so-mighty American river.

And guess what:EosRoadtrip 935

 

Gold!

Well…a little. And we lost it again. But we had fun, and that’s what matters. So here’s a bunch of pretty and informative pictures, including signs that scared me. And made me hope to actually see some of the animals mentioned on them. No such (bad) luck, though. Still, good times were had by all. Thanks again, Cairn!

After that we headed home, found another funny vanity plate and had dinner at that Mexican place, where I had watermelon agua fresca which is probably the best drink ever ever ever ever and I really need to make some here and find a container to bring it to work.

EosRoadtrip 936

Roadtrip 2015 – Avenue of the Giants

After a day of driving through one of the probably most beautiful forests of the western U.S., I …did it again. Except I didn’t turn back but went on towards Sacramento, taking the Avenue of the Giants, that stretch of road that runs right next to the Redwood Highway, Route 101. It’s a pretty stretch of road, full of actually huge trees, some you can pay 5 bucks to drive through. Which I did, naturally. Apart from that this day was rather similar to the last, except maybe a little shorter and I took less pictures.

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After that it was time to go to West Sacramento where I met the lovely and awesome Cairn Rodrigues whose cats hid for me, whose bird didn’t want to dance for me but enjoyed my whistling and whose husband called me “Sir”1.
She also housed me, fed me fried chicken and corncobs, and she took me to National Parks where we took lots of pictures and found gold. But that, as they say, is a story for another day.

yolo

Footnotes
  1. I quickly put an end to that []

Roadtrip 2015 – One hell of a whale fail

As many of you know, I ‘ve been a little obsessed with whales (and aquatic life in general) since I was a kid, and I might have been trying to go whale watching a couple of times. On my third day of vacation I had booked another attempt. A seaplane flight from Lake Union to San Juan Islands followed by a whale watching cruise. Sounds good, eh?
I’d booked it in advance, so I took a taxi to the terminal to check in, had breakfast and we took flight to the encouraging words of the attendant: “There’s a bit of fog but don’t worry. Worst case you’ll have to turn around and try again in an hour.”
Didn’t happen, as you might have guessed from the title of this post. We took off, had an actually nice flight around. I was watching the compass quite anxciously and after 30 minutes or so we’d returned to Lake Union. WP_20150513_09_12_34_Pro KopieA muffin and an hour later they told us that they still hadn’t got clearance to start, so I called the whale watching tour to tell them. No way I’d make the boat. They assured me they’d do a full refund, which was nice, but I still was in one hell of a mood.
I started a little call to arms on twitter, to see if I could do anything else to take my mind off my more than miserable temper. Since there was no taxi in sight, I decided to walk towards the hotel, cursing under my breath. Pretty much non-stop, the whole 4 miles.
Back at the hotel I remembered there was another whale watching opportunity up near Seattle, but guess what: The one tour my schedule would have allowed ended their season on May 1st. This was May 13th. But my twitter call to arms had worked. Sara, who I’d met the day before in person for the first time had managed to get off work early. She’d told her boss about my day going bust and basically got told “Go cheer him up!”

Sara, I have to say this again: You saved not only my day, but probably the rest of the week. I don’t think I’d been a fun travelling companion for myself if not for the awesome afternoon that followed. Ever been on vacation, on a roadtrip, all by yourself, in a foul mood? I haven’t, and I don’t like myself in a foul mood on other occasions.

We decided on the Tacoma Zoo, met up on the parking lot and tried to find animals, more or less successfully. Had a great time chatting about animals, travel, work and other stuff.

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The awesome didn’t stop here. After our slightly wet zoo adventure we went to the Anthony’s nearby, had bread with shrimp/artichoke dip, oyster burgers abd Rhubarb Slump for dessert.
ALL THE TASTY FOOD! With a side of more awesome conversation about various topics which I’d love to repeat some time. My Scuttlebutt Pale Ale1 was pretty nice, too. Sara’s Whiskey Sour was more wiskey than sour, though.

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After that it was time to part ways, but not before taking goody selfies and enjoying a hug.

Again, thank you Sara! And Sara’s boss! Thanks for making this the best day of all the days that so cruelly denied me whales! It was awesome even by non-whale-standards!

 

 

No murdercorns where harmed in the creation of this blog post.

Footnotes
  1. I adore that name []

Roadtrip 2015 – tweeple against humanity

After a successful day one of my vacation it was time to crank it up another notch. Time to meet more people, as scheduled. I started out by walking all the way from my hotel to the Space Needle. About 4 miles. Yeah, I’d planned to take the bus, but I had an early breakfast1 and too much time on my hands. So why not?
EosRoadtrip 080
I did well, too. I arrived just in time to meet up with the great and awesome KariAnn who wouldn’t have time in the evening but agreed to take me to the EMP Museum where we saw C3PO, took pictures together and played with musical instruments.

Look:

After that we went down to the market, ate at a crab cake, listened to tourists bang their crustaceans with wooden hammers and giggled. We also took the monorail!2

Unfortunately Kari had to return home after that, so I spent the rest of the afternoon looking at fish in the aquarium, buying stamps and sitting around at Starbucks, getting asked for money about three or four times just that day, just to kill some time.
The evening was devoted to twitter people again. I turned up on Jackie‘s doorstep after negotiating that fun combination of hallways and elevators leading to it. A bit later Jill, Carey, Megan and Sara arrived by various means of transport. We did a pretty good job of decimating the wine and cheese Jackie provided, only to move on to Carey’s wine.
Lots of wine. Tasty, tasty cheese and wine. We also talked a lot, about people we all stalked on twitter, ourselves, travel, writing, reading, books, words (I guess that’s what you get when you put people together who mostly write and/or read whenever they can), The evening went by far to quickly, though. Since we hadn’t planned on how long the evening would go, Sara went rather early to catch her ferry back home and Jill left soon after that as well. The rest of us took it upon us to endure the hardship of playing Cards against Humanity. We had to explain “smegma” to one of us and I’m not saying it was Carey. Thankfully the wine helped along and we managed to reduce Megan to tears and gasping, as well channel Sara in at least two rounds.

You guess which was which.

 

I am not ashamed of playing this one. Or winning that round.

Great minds…

Another highlight of the evening:

We all wish we’d be living it. We all do.

But even this part of the evening had to end some time, so we left Jackie in a pile of empty wine bottles and cheese rinds. Carey was nice enough to get me back to my hotel AND show me THE BRIDGE TROLL on the way, even though we almost didn’t find it. Nobody died on the way, but not for lack of trying.

 

Footnotes
  1. crabcakes benedict. YUM! []
  2. It’s more of a Shelbyville idea. []

Roadtrip 2015 – Planes, Cars, Space Needles

I’ve warned you, and here it is. I’ll start going into the details fo my vacation a couple of times a week.EosRoadtrip 035

I’d decided to start this vacation as comfortable as possible, so I spent the night before leaving at a hotel at Frankfurt Airport and ate one of the most German things imaginable for dinner. Then I went to bed, slept some, got up early for my hotel breakfast. Thus prepared for the hardships of travel I checked into my flight, boarded it some time later and took off at around 10:30AM GMT+11 to spend 9 hours on a plane. About three movies2 and one sitcom episode later I touched down in Seattle, went through customs and such, picked up my rental car and drove into and through Seattle to my Hotel in the University District.

A bit later I took a cab to Union Park and explored a little, since I had a bit of time left before the first highlight of my vacation. I saw Union Park, seaplanes and Space Needles, which was nice. I ate a hot dog, went down to Centennial Park. So basically just “first time in town random exploring before scheduled things take place”.

At around 6 PM local time3 I finally met up with Jennifer Brozek who is totally awesome and not just because she gave me three books and signed them. Her husband is awesome, too.
As the table we’d booked wasn’t ready yet, we walked around on the observation deck of the needle until they texted us, after which we …well, sat down, ordered food and drinks and chatted about everything and nothing. Mainly travel, writing, food, drinks, travel, more travel, some more writing.4
The fun part is how we know each other. You may not know, but Jennifer is actually a time travelling international jewel thief who wrote and published The Sith Lord of the Rings in 1886. Awesome, huh?  Oh, wait. I just realized I had dinner with someone who has their own wikipedia entry.5

Okay, back to business. Jennifer herself blogged about that day and it’s not the only thing of her you should read, but it’s a start.

WP_20150511_19_08_54_ProWe had a lovely dinner6 and chat, it was a great way to start my vacation. But it also was a long day and I went back to my hotel to sleep the sleep of the sleepy. EosRoadtrip 017

 

See you on Monday when I tell you about Etsy-steampunk strap-on’s.

Footnotes
  1. German time, which is usually US West Coast + 9 hours []
  2. Taken 3, Kingsman, Into the Woods []
  3. I’d been up for about 19 hours, give or take []
  4. I might have a surprise related to that for you some time later []
  5. achievement unlocked []
  6. try the wild king salmon, it’s really good! []

German with Olli

I’m back from my vacation but I’m still horribly jetlagged or something like that. So instead of showing off pictures or telling you stories, I give you something else I brought home from my vacation.

It somehow came up when I had dinner with Amira Makansi, which was totally awesome1. We were talking about everything that came to mind and she mentioned a facebook friend who used to do a daily German word but sadly stopped at some point. So I kinda suggested doing something like that on twitter, and yeah. Here I am, starting it.

You might remember my more or less weekly lessons that I stopped at some point because I ran out of ideas. These ones will be bitesized, mostly contained in one tweet, and not daily. I’ll try to go for a Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule for now.

If you don’t want to follow me for that, or are afraid to miss my tweets, I’ll hashtag them with #GermanWithOlli

Neat tag, huh? Not my idea:

Footnotes
  1. both dinner and Amira []

I hate selling stuff.

Considering my line of work that might be a bit weird. Well, it’s not the sale as such that annoys me, but I don’t find a  lot of fun in negotiating, dickering, haggling. That part annoys me.
I’m the “give me a fair price and I’ll buy/sell and be done with it” type.

The good news is: working in b2b sales for about ten years has paid off a little. I don’t react like a deer in the headlines anymore when people try to push the price in either direction.

Still, I despise having to go through the process of selling anything in my free time. The stories my sister told of selling off some excess stuff before moving to Kuala Lumpur in August confirm that, and right now I have a new adventure in selling stuff on ebay and the likes. Not exactly like this one, but still.

I’ve come by a smart watch for Android phones recently. Won it in a sales promo directly from the manufacturer, sealed, original packaging, never used or even opened. Practically fresh from the factory.

So I put it up for sale. Description lists a few features and confirmed that it’s the real deal, unopened and all. I put up pictures of the unbroken seal on the box, too.

Asking price was about 5% below the cheapest legit retail price on amazon at the time.

First offer: “Would you be willing to swap for a <type of android tablet>?”
My reply: “Sorry, not interested in that sort of stuff.”
Then I did a quick research and was thoroughly annoyed when I find out the price of the tablet is about half that of the watch.

Second offer was “swap for a smart watch of a different brand”. I didn’t even look it up before I declined. I’m not much of a wrist watch person anyway and I don’t really need or want one with additional features that requires daily recharging.

I didn’t even reply to the third offer, which was almost 40% below my asking price. Or the one who offered 30% off but is in a different country.

One decent offer – price wise – arrived, but unfortunately he didn’t want it shipped, lives about an hour away and I’m not really scheduled to be near his place in the next few weeks. Or months, for all I know.

The following dialogue annoyed me a little, but I’d also had a few beers *cough*.

Them: “Hello, I’m interested in the watch, how about [15% off asking price] including shipping.”
Me: “No, sorry.”
Them: “What did you have in mind?”
Me: “I negotiate enough in my day job. I didn’t put up an asking price in a classified ad just to sell it for 15% less including shipping”

Yes, I was pissed. Another one amused and annoyed me equally, and I’ll probably sell to that guy in a few days.

“Hey, is the watch still available?”
“Yup, still here. :)”
“Well, it’s mine if it’s still there on May 1st!”
“Okay, I’ll let you know if I sell it before then, can’t make promises.”
“Of course. We’ll have to talk about the price first. I can get a new one for 5% more on amazon.”
“Correct. Or you could have a new one from me for 5% less than amazon.”

 

Pro tip 1: If you want to push the price down, don’t state your intention to buy in a way that could be read as “I’ll buy it. 100%. Unless you give it to someone else.”
Pro tip 2: Don’t use a negotiation point that goes both ways.

Let’s see what happens. I don’t depend on the money, but I’d rather give it to a friend for half the price or give it away for christmas than sell to someone who is almost impertinent. I’m willing to sell for less than I asked (grudgingly) but jeez, be nice or reasonable.