sonnet 18 – Shall I compare thee to a pizza pie?

Inspired by the lovely and awesome and kind and funny and witty Jolene Haley

It’s kind of a hack job, but I’m reasonably happy with it, so without further ado about nothing… ;-)

 

Shall I compare thee to a pizza pie?
Thou art more sav’ry and delicious:
Hot oven bakes on temperature high
And pizza’s smell reminds to do the dishes.

Sometime too hot the peperoni burns
And often is its cheese complexion dark;
Yet for its taste my palate often yearns
Hunger, or everchanging app’tite, hark!

But thy eternal savor shall not wane,
Nor lose the toppings of the pie thou art
Nor shall thy dough be ever dry or plain
For ev’ryday you are lunch of my heart

So long as men can eat or nose can smell,
So long tastes this, and this gives taste to thee.

English was my favorite subject in school

Today I am somewhere upstate New York, so here’s another prescheduled one. Hope you like it. :-)

English WAS my favorite subject in school. As you probably know by now, even if you just got here, I am German.  Not everyone knows that I have been raised bilingually1, German and French.

In my fifth school year I started learning English, and having learned my first foreign language pretty much from day one, the third one came easy to me. I never really had to do anything to pick it up. I just listened, read, did my homework and learned it.

When you learn a language at school in Germany, you start with the usual basics. Telling someone about yourself, describing things and people, one adjective, noun and verb after another.

At some point you get to working with texts, fictional and non-fictional, and barring the occasional grammar lesson, you gradually transition into a sort of literature and culture class that is held in a foreign language.2.

Being a natural, I started reading English books for fun when I was around fifteen3.

Shortly after I began working funny stuff into exams, because…well, I don’t know, I just got inspired. One of the exams was about an interview that someone conducted with Aldous Huxley, and we were supposed to pick up how they viewed certain things differently on account of having grown up in different time periods. I had been listening to a lot of Running Wild at the time, so I used their song title “Prisoners Of Our Time” to describe the idea in a more colorful way.

In another exam about how language plays a role in George Orwell’s 1984 I used a joke I knew from one of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels4.

The highlight of my English exam shenanigans was one of our last exams, about William Shakespeare’s Hamlet5.

It was our final year in school, we were a small class and our teacher was pretty relaxed and  didn’t pay much attention to us. At one point one of my best friends, Alex, turned around to me and said, proudly: “I just used the word vortex in my essay!”
I replied: “Ha, I can beat that!” and found a way to incorporate maelstrom into mine.

Philipp, sitting behind me, piped up: “What’s this going to be?  A competition?”

We wondered if our teacher would mention it upon returning the exam, but he didn’t. So we actually asked which of the two words puzzled/annoyed him more, and what can I say…it was close, but mine was more horrible!

Thanks to @CareyTorg for reminding me of this episode and inspiring me. Follow her on twitter, read her blog and be nice to her, she’s awesome! Also buy her book in December, ok? Thanks!

Footnotes
  1. my mother is French. In a way. That’s a story for another day, probably []
  2. in theory []
  3. I bought Terry Pratchett’s Hogfather on a class trip to Munich because I didn’t want to wait a year for the translated paperback []
  4. the one about the Inuit having 100 words for snow but none of them worth printing []
  5. see my limerick blog post for additional unrelated entertainment []

combining shakespeare and limericks

People have been screaming, crying and shouting1 for more limericks ever since I first posted a blog post containing mostly silly and/or weird rhymes for wacie’s word of the week writing challenge.

The follow-up about Pulp Fiction turned into limericks was as2 popular, so I am kind of lucky I had one more tucked away.

I originally wrote this for a web community ages ago and titled it “If Shakespeare was an Irishman”.

I don’t think anyone really knows if limericks originated from Ireland, or at least were first named/categorized there. The fact is, Shakespeare actually used this form of poetry at least once, in a drinking song in Othello.

What I did was rather simple:
I took several works of Shakespeare, browsed for interesting/well known quotes and tried to turn them into silly limericks, because, why not?

Enjoy guessing my favorites and the descent into madness, as they get weirder and weirder towards the end of this post. Well…they’re all pretty weird.

Here goes, in the order that I wrote them:

no 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s toe,
Thou art more fingery, thou shalt know!
Five on each foot,
Stuck in a boot
And none have named thee friend nor foe.

Prince of Denmark
To be or not to be, don’t ask the question
You’ll rip apart the caref’lly crafted bastion
In which
Your sanity, that bitch
Thought it could get some rest on.

Another one from Helsingore
There’s something rotten in the fridge of Denmark,
The smell so strong you neighbours yell: “Hark!
Throw out that cheese,
I beg you, please!”
It’s just the carcass of an aardvark.

In Julius Cesar, Act III, Antonius grows hungry
Friends, Romans, countrymen,
Please lend me a hen,
Some eggs I need
Mine is the greed
For an omelette fried in a pan.

The merchant of Venice was a creepy fellow
If you prick us, don’t we bleed?
If you lick us, will we breed?
Don’t by shy,
Give it a try,
A little romp is all we need!

Romeo had something very specific in mind, in act II, scene II
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
I hope she doesn’t plan to be a nun.
“A real shame!”
I would exclaim.
“That ruins an awful lot of fun!”

The Tempest probably was the weirdest
Where the bee sucks, there suck I,
Until the spring runs tot’lly dry,
Do bees suck?
What the…
Nonsense, but I admit I had to try.

Speaking of crazy, Old MacBeth should be heard about this
Is this a dagger which I see,
Why does the coroner ask me?
I’m not a corpse.
But space-time warps
And then I see a sucking bee!

Apparently Manowar stole their lyrics from Midsummernights Dream, specificly act II, scene I
My heart is true as steel,
Before me even demons kneel,
Sword at my side,
Eyes open wide,
Your troops are at my heel!

 

 

The rest is silence…

– Hamlet, act V, scene II

how I start my day - well, what did you expect?

how I start my day – well, what did you expect? – for www.52photosproject.com

Footnotes
  1. dramatization []
  2. or even more []