sonnet 18 – Shall I compare thee to a pizza pie?

Inspired by the lovely and awesome and kind and funny and witty Jolene Haley

It’s kind of a hack job, but I’m reasonably happy with it, so without further ado about nothing… ;-)

 

Shall I compare thee to a pizza pie?
Thou art more sav’ry and delicious:
Hot oven bakes on temperature high
And pizza’s smell reminds to do the dishes.

Sometime too hot the peperoni burns
And often is its cheese complexion dark;
Yet for its taste my palate often yearns
Hunger, or everchanging app’tite, hark!

But thy eternal savor shall not wane,
Nor lose the toppings of the pie thou art
Nor shall thy dough be ever dry or plain
For ev’ryday you are lunch of my heart

So long as men can eat or nose can smell,
So long tastes this, and this gives taste to thee.

road trip poetry

It’s limerick time again!

Some of you might remember that I’ve been on vacation last month.1

If you are unsure or want to revel in my past musings, you can read a brief outline of my trip or dive deep into facts and stats.

I’m not sure if I got the idea to make a limerick retelling of the trip while travelling or even before. Probably even before I started, since I do have a history with those things.2

Without further ado, let’s go!

 

We did not dwell for long in Florida2014-05-15 21.09.24
The handle’s pan of ‘merica
Gatortail was had
Tasted really rad
T’was just the start of our holida’

 



We took an alligator tallyEos_Gatortail 045

In Georgia’s Alligator Alley3
Not even in a zoo
Gators we saw two
But ate no alligator taily

 


In South Carolina’s South of the BorderEos_Gatortail 087
Pedro seems to have a tack disorder
We spent our first night4
Amidst neon light5
But we had perfect steaks cooked to order6


Eos_Gatortail 193

North Carolina turned our road trip
Twice in one day into a boat trip
The sun we saw set
Without getting wet
From the top deck of our ship

 


The Virginia Beach Eos_Gatortail 296concièrge had plenty trouble
Britt’ny tried to summon transportation rabble
Gave us taxi cash instead
So we’d fin’lly get ahead
and escape the automatic hotline system bubble

 


Eos_Gatortail 829

We came to Washington D.C.
The President we did not see
Saw Discovery instead
Space Shuttle, it said
No joyride though, we didn’t have a key


Pennsylvania’s Philly has lot’s to show at allEos_Gatortail 1045
There’s Liberty Bell and Independence Hall
Cheese steak’s good as well
Trav’llers and natives tell
Rocky’s there to tell of Stallone’s fall.


2014-05-28 05.27.21Up New York City’s Empire State we went
With many a tourist up we were pent
I let one rip
On the down trip
For eighty floors we shared the scent7


Thus ends our trip in Niagara Falls, Ontario2014-05-30 19.25.08
We played some golf in a Dinosaur scenario
We ate poutine
To break routine
And paid the turnstile tax to get back home which took us ages because we had spent all our cash so I had to in fact get Canadian change with the American money I got at the border crossing ATM but the change machines only accepted fives and ones and all it gave me was a twenty for fuck’s sake8

 

 

That’s all, folks!

 

Footnotes
  1. it’s not like I haven’t told anyone []
  2. check them out . you know you want to []
  3. look it up, it’s actually a street []
  4. the first night on the road []
  5. actually in the motel room []
  6. tasty []
  7. At least I didn’t create a limerick about the homeless guy masturbating himself to sleep on the sidewalk that one night.  []
  8. seriously, not many rhymes for Ontario []

combining shakespeare and limericks

People have been screaming, crying and shouting1 for more limericks ever since I first posted a blog post containing mostly silly and/or weird rhymes for wacie’s word of the week writing challenge.

The follow-up about Pulp Fiction turned into limericks was as2 popular, so I am kind of lucky I had one more tucked away.

I originally wrote this for a web community ages ago and titled it “If Shakespeare was an Irishman”.

I don’t think anyone really knows if limericks originated from Ireland, or at least were first named/categorized there. The fact is, Shakespeare actually used this form of poetry at least once, in a drinking song in Othello.

What I did was rather simple:
I took several works of Shakespeare, browsed for interesting/well known quotes and tried to turn them into silly limericks, because, why not?

Enjoy guessing my favorites and the descent into madness, as they get weirder and weirder towards the end of this post. Well…they’re all pretty weird.

Here goes, in the order that I wrote them:

no 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s toe,
Thou art more fingery, thou shalt know!
Five on each foot,
Stuck in a boot
And none have named thee friend nor foe.

Prince of Denmark
To be or not to be, don’t ask the question
You’ll rip apart the caref’lly crafted bastion
In which
Your sanity, that bitch
Thought it could get some rest on.

Another one from Helsingore
There’s something rotten in the fridge of Denmark,
The smell so strong you neighbours yell: “Hark!
Throw out that cheese,
I beg you, please!”
It’s just the carcass of an aardvark.

In Julius Cesar, Act III, Antonius grows hungry
Friends, Romans, countrymen,
Please lend me a hen,
Some eggs I need
Mine is the greed
For an omelette fried in a pan.

The merchant of Venice was a creepy fellow
If you prick us, don’t we bleed?
If you lick us, will we breed?
Don’t by shy,
Give it a try,
A little romp is all we need!

Romeo had something very specific in mind, in act II, scene II
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
I hope she doesn’t plan to be a nun.
“A real shame!”
I would exclaim.
“That ruins an awful lot of fun!”

The Tempest probably was the weirdest
Where the bee sucks, there suck I,
Until the spring runs tot’lly dry,
Do bees suck?
What the…
Nonsense, but I admit I had to try.

Speaking of crazy, Old MacBeth should be heard about this
Is this a dagger which I see,
Why does the coroner ask me?
I’m not a corpse.
But space-time warps
And then I see a sucking bee!

Apparently Manowar stole their lyrics from Midsummernights Dream, specificly act II, scene I
My heart is true as steel,
Before me even demons kneel,
Sword at my side,
Eyes open wide,
Your troops are at my heel!

 

 

The rest is silence…

– Hamlet, act V, scene II

how I start my day - well, what did you expect?

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Footnotes
  1. dramatization []
  2. or even more []